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(More customer reviews)In her latest book, Solace of Solitude, Janice Gray Kolb shares with us her intensely personal experience with grief caused by the death of her beloved pet. She also gives recommendations on how to deal with, and eventually overcome, grief.
We cannot control our reactions to death and everyone grieves in a different way. However, whether we lose a parent or a beloved pet, the overwhelming feeling of loss can be the same. Jan advocates a series of exercises to perform which can help us to transform our depression and grief into more positive energy. We can then channel that energy into something that eases our pain.
For example, she suggests a walk in the woods to experience the sights, sounds and smells of God's creatures. Being along in a quiet place such as a wooded area can provide the solitude needed for prayer and meditation so necessary to heal the soul.
Spend time alone thinking about your deceased loved one, and keep a journal to help you remember everyday details of his or her life. Writing down your thoughts during a difficult time can be a wonderful way to connect to the loved one for whom you grieve so deeply.
Some suggestions even allow us to bring comfort to others while healing our own souls.
Jan recommends giving someone close to you a gift - a simple gift of love for no particular occasion. Often, their happiness on receiving an unexpected present will lift your own spirits. Seeing happiness in the face of a friend cannot help but be contagious, and even if only for a short period of time, will lighten your spirit and you will end up feeling more peaceful. It provides consolation and will help your grief to dissipate or diminish.
Each of her recommendations on its own could provide solace, but taken together, they are a formidable tool in a person's fight to overcome grief. Performing the exercises suggested can afford an inner strength to people grieving the loss of a loved one.
As Jan says, grief does not get better, but it does get different. We should strive for acceptance, but not necessarily closure. This book should be used by grief therapists as a handbook for anyone suffering the loss of a loved one.
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Some days the beauty of life seems to confound us in ways that are quite remarkable. Then there are those dark days when life has lost its song and even its purpose. This is the journey of Solace of Solitude. It flows from exquisite joy to the deep shadows of despair. But this despair is not final and in fact is a necessary part of our journey toward completion, where the beauty of life becomes so pervasive, that life's bumps can't jar us loose from the tranquility and peace that fills our minds. The first nine meditations of this book were written while the author was experiencing completion and happiness in her personal life, yet was plagued by the sad events of 9/11. These meditations were written to find consolation and to help others come to a more consoling resolution to their problems.The situation suddenly changed with the death of the author's beloved companion, a cat named Rochester. Jan found that her thinking and approach to the subjects she had planned to discuss were radically altered. Rochester became the instrument for exposing her to a new view of life and death. Part 2 is a description of what she has done, experienced and realized as a result of Rochester's passing. It is a study of "afterlife" experiences and the peace and understanding that now control her existence.Jan feels that these wonderful realizations could not have come without being alone within her heart and mind - they could not have occurred without solitude. Through this solitude she was able to achieve solace, a much different experience than simple closure. Perhaps by going aside in solitude you also will find solace in life and better understand the anatomy of grief.
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